I hear the pension plan is really good, too

Attention all malcontents, whingers, cynics and armchair generals:

The time has come to gather in arms and rise up against our nincompoop overlords.

The time has come to get yourself a slice of that tax-payer funded pie.

The time has come to get the system working. Working for you.

It is the time, my fellow malcontents, to ready yourselves to stand for public office.

Observe the New South Wales political landscape. Cast your eyes across the Plains of Suburban Despair; boiling hot in the daytime, freezing cold when the sun goes down; the voters never quite sure whether they drive the political weather or whether the weather drives them. Observe the hills that surround it, the Great Barrier Ranges of the Public Sector - those bloated, mountainous molehills quivering like jelly, stuffed full of the fat of the land. And beyond them, out of sight beyond the pale horizon, the Swamp of Marginalisation. But we don't like to talk about it because... anyway, changing the subject...

This land, malcontents, this land is ripe for the picking. You don't need a party. In fact, having a party is a liability. You're better off without one. You don't need policies. Again, probably best avoided. All you need to stand for office, proud, free and independent, a white knight, a crusader against all that is foul and corrupt in our dismal State. Or not even a crusader, really. You could just show up. If you appear to have half a brain and have the ability to keep your nose clean, the voters will flock to you and worship the ground you walk on. And once elected, if you can manage to turn up to Parliament sober and avoid assaulting or swearing at your fellow members... no, look, scratch that. If, once you are elected, you can keep your hands out of the till and your friends off the payroll, that will be excellent. Really.

In return for your hard work being honest and not fucking up the state, you will be rewarded with an annual overseas holiday for study purposes (the difference between economy and business class is a perfectly valid topic) and a car.

So start your campaign planning now, good people of New South Wales, and I can't wait to vote for you in March 2011.