Hate crime on the rise in Newtown

Picture: Disturbing flyer distributed to Newtown letterboxes in early December 2009.

In the wake of anti-immigration propaganda late last year, Newtown is now in the grips of a wave of hate crime.

Presumably upset at the failure of the federal Emissions Trading Scheme legislation and inability of nations to agree to a binding target at the recent Copenhagen climate summit, hoodlums have taken to the streets of Sydney's latte belt and are taking matters into their own hands.

Urban 4WD and SUV owners have been waking the morning to find their vehicles have been keyed, covered in graffiti or even attacked with blunt instruments, causing thousands of dollars in damage.

A lefty environmentalist conspiracy to drive up insurance premiums and thus make large inefficient car ownership prohibitively expensive has not been ruled out.

However police are urging calm and have released a statement assuring Inner West large car owners that they are not being targeted and that vandalism rates remained unchanged across all classes of vehicle.

Tests have revealed that the potatoes found in the exhaust pipes of the vandalised gas-guzzlers are organic, but investigators claim that this is not significant given the demographics of the area.

Investigations are continuing. In the meantime, police advise car owners to be vigilant and report any suspicious activity.

Give a Piece of Malcolm a Chance

Picture: The Hon Malcolm Turnbull, MP and Deputy Opposition Leader the Hon Julie Bishop, MP watch on as Warrant Officer Class 2 Jeramie Faint (right) explains the make up of a rocket propelled grenade during their visit to meet the solders in Tarin Kowt, Afghanistan. Photo By: Corporal (CPL) Ricky Fuller

A grassroots movement is swelling in New South Wales to overthrow the incumbent Labor state government and replace it with Malcolm Turnbull.

However the group will have to work quickly to prepare the minimum of 53 Turnbull clones that will be needed to assure him victory in the NSW state election on March 26, 2011.

ABC election analyst Antony Green commented that the Turnbull Clone Party would pose a major threat to both the incumbent Labor Party and their lacklustre Coalition opposition.

"With the exception of Cessnock and Bathurst, the most closely contested seats are a fight between the big parties and the Greens and Independents. Very few seats are a contest between Labor and the Liberals or Nationals. I suggest that this speaks of a growing resentment of the major parties amongst the voters of New South Wales," Antony Green said.

It is this voter disgust with the current political offerings that the proponents of the Turnbull Clone Party wish to harness.

If they are successful in New South Wales, the Turnbull Clone Party hopes to take advantage of the high levels of female voter disgust sparked by new federal Opposition Leader Tony Abbott and possibly even unseat the federal Liberal Party.

Art students mobilise in protest against Tony Abbott (NSFW?)

Picture: Upskirt protest message at Tony Abbott's virginity comments

The backlash against Tony Abbott's advice to women to remain virgins until marriage has sparked a fierce reaction from women all over Australia.

In addition to the millions of unimaginative women who have decided never to vote for him, art school students and other rabblerousers, always on the lookout for an excuse to protest naked, have started a campaign to tell Tony Abbott to keep out of their pants.

The unemployed single mother art school lesbian hairy-legged Catholic-bashing atheist nudist slatterns taking part in this campaign are encouraging their enraged sisters to send "upskirt" photos of their nasty bits and use them to send a message to Mr Abbott.

Staffers from Mr Abbott's office confirmed that the Opposition Leader has received some of the protest messages, but would not comment on his reaction to the campaign.

However Mr Abbott's office did confirm that another personal interview with the Opposition Leader will be published next month in Womans Day. The candid article will reveal Abbott's advice to his daughters on various body image issues, including cosmetic procedures like liposuction and breast augmentation.